Your Brother Daniel
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this one go to Daniel’s blog site at: www.Mannsword.blogspot.com
Being Real when we Feel like Garbage
When we are hurting, we
tend to feel shame, put on a façade, and isolate ourselves. However, if we
understand Christ, this shouldn’t be. Instead, we can be bold, even in the face
of our repeated failures.
This had not been the
case with Heather Kopp. She has described herself as a “Christian drunk.” in
her new book, Sober Mercies: How Love Caught
Up with a Christian Drunk. Instead of her problem leading her to reach out
to others in her church for support and encouragement, she isolated:
- When
I lost control of my drinking, I was baffled and ashamed. I prayed and
repented until I was blue in the face—all to no avail. Which set up a
faith crisis. I mean, wasn’t alcoholism the kind of gross moral sin that I
was supposed to have been saved from?
- I
think this is why Christians make such miserable addicts. When prayer and
repentance don’t work, in order to protect our “witness” or God’s
reputation, or our families—we think we’re doing every one a favor by
keeping it secret or suffering in silence. That only makes us more miserable
and further away from getting help.
Although Kopp’s response to her addiction is very common, our New
Testament encourages us to respond in an entirely different way. For one thing,
knock-down hardships are to be expected:
· Dear friends, do not be surprised at the
painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to
you. (1 Peter 4:12)
We need to understand
that we will experience such painful disappointments that we will think that
there is something so terribly wrong with ourselves – that we are far worse off
than others – that we will want to run away. However, the Apostle Paul
instructs us to be prepared for such struggles:
- For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit,
and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict
with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (Galatians 5:17)
Consequently, we all struggle, and we’ll continue to struggle as long as
we remain in this body! If we really imbibe this truth, we can be honest about
our failings. Not only are they normal, but everyone has them!
But are they really failings in a negative and shameful sense – things
that we need to hide? God had informed Paul that He wouldn’t relieve him of a
troublesome problem because Paul was better off with the problem than without
it:
- But he [God] said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for
Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor.
12:9-10)
We tend to regard our weaknesses and failings as ugly, shameful things.
However, this isn’t the way that God regards them (Isaiah 57:15; 66:1-2).
Consequently, Paul learned to revel in his weaknesses, even to boast in them.
He knew that his failings would make him spiritually strong. They would teach
Him how to depend on the Lord.
If we know this and also that our God fully accepts us – warts and all –
we can also boast in our weaknesses,
assured that, however, frustrating they may be, God is working them all for a good
purpose (Rom. 8:28). This means that we can stop obsessively ruminating about
our weaknesses and insecurities and say to ourselves, “Great, another failure!
I can’t wait to see what God will do through this one!”
Meanwhile, we shouldn’t be surprised if our struggles are deeper and more
painful than those of others (1 Peter 4:17). Paul explained that if we want to
grow spiritually, we must also die:
- We always carry around in our
body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in
our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for
Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (2 Cor.
4:10-11)
This is nothing to be ashamed about. The way of life is death. The way of
growth is brokenness! Paul had to learn this lesson repeatedly. He had to
endure such discouragement that he felt like dying:
- We do not want you to be
uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of
Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so
that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence
of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on
God, who raises the dead. (2 Cor. 1:8-9)
To grow in the Lord means to die to self. To trust in the Lord means that
we have to see ourselves the way we really are, and to understand that there is
no way that we can trust in ourselves. This is terribly painful – the
despairing of our self–trust and self-esteem. However, if we know that this is
God’s blessed cure, we can endure it and even laugh at ourselves in the
process. We submit to physical surgery, because we believe that it means
health. We should also submit to God’s spiritual surgery, because we know that
it means healing and Christ-like-ness.
It’s been such a relief to me to lay down the façade that I am in control
and to laugh at my failures and insecurities. Rather than driving me away from
others it now draws others to me. If I can accept myself despite my failings,
it helps others to feel more comfortable in my presence and helps them to lay
down their own façade.
Although Kopp found healing through Christ, she also found some relief
through AA. In AA, everyone was able to admit that they were alcoholics, albeit
recovering alcoholics.
However, we have better Resources than AA! We can admit that we’re
sinners saved by grace, and that’s okay because we have a God who loves us,
just the way we are, with a love that transcends all understanding (Eph.
3:16-19), and has promised to never leave us. We no longer have to justify
ourselves and rationalize away our wrongs, because Jesus has blotted them away
on the cross.
I would not have made it in AA! I would not have been able to confront
and accept my ugliness without the assurance that I was loved and forgiven from
above - that I was defined by an absolute standard higher than society’s
standard and my performance. Without this assurance, I clung to my crumbling
façade, even through years of secular counseling. Ironically, secular
counseling just served to enable me to hold on to my rationalizations of my own
okay-ness.
My classes are a bit like an AA meeting. Although we don’t go around and
confess our sins, I try to show the powerful connection between God’s Word and
how it enables us to be real. When we understand Him, we can boldly come into
His light (John 3:19-20) with our focus, not on ourselves, but on His glory and
love.
